Chapter Fifteen page 12

posted 14th Feb 2020, 4:33 PM

Chapter Fifteen page 12
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14th Feb 2020, 4:33 PM

Saeriellyn

THAT'S RIGHT BAE YOU TELL THAT LITTLE POINTY-EARED TYRANT
and you look amazing while you do it too.

Two pages in two days? Yes, it's always feast or famine here. Enjoy the surplus.

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14th Feb 2020, 4:47 PM

Skyboy91

Wow! Powerful scene. I never saw a look like that from Taran before, it makes quite an impact. Thanks for the feast!

...And now that I have time to write a little more, I really like Eiddileg's more thoughtful face in the third panel, before he returns to his usual bombast...he's really listening now, Taran's passion is definitely getting through to him. I'm sure Eiddileg has seen enough whining, sniveling, self serving and otherwise despicable human behavior to recognize this as something a little different. Funny how he tells the companions to handle their own troubles, while refusing to let them go to handle their own troubles...

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14th Feb 2020, 10:21 PM

Saeriellyn

That contradiction occurs to me too. And it’s kind of my fault for how I edited, but eh. He’s all about the contradictions.

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15th Feb 2020, 2:39 PM

Skye

Contradictions to the Fair Folk are like breathing is to us.

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14th Feb 2020, 8:40 PM

NotTheHarp

Two pages! It is like getting two coockies!

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14th Feb 2020, 10:24 PM

Saeriellyn

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14th Feb 2020, 10:04 PM

LMS

It's been so long since the last time I've read through these books. You're editorializing quite a bit, and I understand you don't want to spend forever and a day on this. I am, however, a little sad that Taran's original speech has been cut with the Fair Folk's song. "Sire, I can speak for no man but myself . . ." and all that. To me, it always seems like such an important character beat for him. I feel like Eilonwy forgives him the lake for the nobility and wisdom he shows in the original version of this speech, and Eiddileg eventually caves half due to the speech and half due to Eilonwy's mixed insults and flattery.

Taran does look AMAZING here. The visual medium does a spectacular job of showing his passion and desperation in this moment, and he's visually magnetic here and on the last page. But something of his ability to lead and persuade others with his words and nobility of character, I think, has been lost.

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14th Feb 2020, 10:22 PM

Saeriellyn

Point taken - I might re-edit the dialog here, or I might sneak a little of that speech in elsewhere. Fear not - he will get his opportunity to be noble!

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16th Feb 2020, 6:30 PM

Skyboy91

I've been thinking about LMS's comment,, and wondering how to word my thoughts, or if I should say anything. But here goes. The last thing I would want to do Saeriellyn, is discourage you in any way. Anyone who has read my comments knows how much I love your work, how gifted I think you are, and what a wonderful interpreter of LA's writing I think you are. I can't imagine anyone better. But I know you aren't just looking for praise, but for honest thoughts on your work. I do agree with LMS's comment on this scene, the lack of the song (which I commented on before) and Taran's persuasive speech to Eiddileg ("for an Assistant Pig-Keeper, you're reasonably eloquent" is one of my favorite lines from the book). As excellent as the art is, the editing of this scene makes it less then complete for me. I know it isn't fair to expect every scene to match up with my own impressions and expectations, and in fact I don't want that. I don't want just a parroting of the lines in the book along with beautiful art, I want your impression and interpretation of the story, which I love and appreciate. Eilonwy's conversation with Eiddileg on the last page is a perfect example- your impression gave me a new perspective on that part of the story. So I'm willing to accept that loss because what I am gaining is a new and fresh perspective on the story through your eyes. In this case you strayed a little farther from the book than I would like, for the reasons stated. But that doesn't change how I feel about the whole body of work - it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I hope this makes sense and I didn't say too much.

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16th Feb 2020, 6:39 PM

Saeriellyn

You GUYS! I totally want this kind of feedback! Constructive criticism means that people are fully engaged with the material at an extra level and nothing makes me happier. While I usually have my reasons for certain changes, it’s not unheard of for me to omit or screw up something important, and it’s good to get other voices pointing out the things I have missed. My fiercest critic is not around to do it anymore, tragically, but I value anyone unafraid to chime in with an honest opinion, even if it’s not endless praise of my every decision.

The only thing I’d remind you both of here is that this scene is not over - Taran still has plenty to say, and though I’ve moved some stuff around, I’ve managed to keep most of his eloquence. Give me another few pages, and then you can unleash your critique - if you still find it necessary!

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14th Feb 2020, 10:56 PM

CM

Is your name Anne Saeriellyvan?

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Because you're a miracle worker.

Hey-oh!

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14th Feb 2020, 11:12 PM

Saeriellyn

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15th Feb 2020, 5:41 AM

Kogarashi

Woo, two pages! ::Kermit flail::

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15th Feb 2020, 11:16 PM

Saeriellyn

Lol I love that

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15th Feb 2020, 2:37 PM

Skye

Ahh, the righteous rage of youth. You captured it well.

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15th Feb 2020, 11:16 PM

Saeriellyn

He’s passionate, you gotta give it to him.

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15th Feb 2020, 8:09 PM

CA

Haven’t commented in awhile, but have been enjoying this chapter immensely. You’ve really captured Taran well here. Still impulsive and a preference for action rather than diplomacy, but coming from a good place and innate sense of duty.

Also, a bit of very subtle foreshadowing from Eiddileg?

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15th Feb 2020, 11:07 PM

Saeriellyn

Foreshadowing? Not sure...but I admit that in my mind I’ve got a whole internal dialog going about what he thinks of Eilonwy, once he realizes who she is, absolutely none of it relevant to this story.

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16th Feb 2020, 2:11 PM

Guest

I was referring to his line about dealing with Arawn “when the time comes” as a possible foreshadowing to the High King and the FF getting involved, but maybe I’m reading too much into it here.

I agree with your other idea though, I’m sure he realizes who Eilonwy is and what that means. I’m sure on the inside he’s thinking three steps ahead.

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16th Feb 2020, 2:19 PM

Saeriellyn

Ah, I gotcha. Yes, could be - I always read that line as just his being stubborn and in denial because he just doesn’t want to deal with it; we do know that the Fair Folk are negatively affected by the atmosphere around Annuvin, so even with all their magic, he’s a formidable enemy. So Eiddileg is in no hurry to get involved, and THK is one of those iconic sequences where a bunch of formerly squabbling factions all unite to take on a common enemy. And now I’m dreaming of how that would look on film, montaged and backed by a thrilling musical score....sigh.

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16th Feb 2020, 4:52 PM

CA

Oh yeah, that would be so amazing. Definitely one of the key scenes in my head-cannon film adaptation. While all the books would look great on the big screen, the last one would be especially epic! You paying attention, Disney???

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